Friday, March 14, 2014

Where I was 7 years ago.

***MY APOLOGIES***  It just came to my attention that on my blog if you wanted to "join" the site, the button that you click to do that was not working.  I am so sorry to anyone of my readers who tried and were unable to join.  I changed the way for you to contact me if you wish and at the bottom of the page of all posts is a place to sign up for you to get my posts delivered to your email.

Yesterday, I came across a recording that I had made on my computer in 2007.  Mind you, in 2007 (omg that was 7 years ago) we were just starting to feel the financial struggle begin.  I knew at that time the the issues we faced had no quick fix.  I believe that it was at this time where I really started to feel scared...scared to death.  The bank had not yet taken the restaurant building and we were still paying a $2400 a month mortgage.  My husband was working at a job making a little over $9.00 an hour and I was not working due to the levy that was placed on my income.  I had no where to turn for help (help that I could afford) and had no idea what to do!

I made this recording of affirmations based on reading somewhere that if you told yourself that you had plenty of would find its way into your life.  I believed in that and to this day, I won't say that I don't believe in that even though it did not work for me.  Listening to myself saying these affirmations I, after 7 years, could hear it in my voice that I was saying these but I deep down inside did not believe what I was saying.  So how could it work?  How can you be so deeply in a financial ruin and saying affirmations like "I have plenty of money for everything I need" and make them believable? It seems like a double wammy!

Do not take me wrong, I am not opposed to thinking positive and having faith, in fact I am all for that!  I had just read "The Secret" and similar books that taught about the law of attraction.  I am sure that I attracted this financial ruin into my life somehow, someway.  But I did not know how to think and feel abundance when all I felt was lack!  Every part of my day brought on an awareness of lack and no matter how hard I tried to affirm differently, I just could not feel it.  I was instructed to FEEL GOOD first and then the changes would follow.  I was at the point that I did not even know what it felt like to FEEL GOOD!

Ironically, as I listened to the affirmations that I wrote for myself, they were all about "things".  Like "I see myself driving my brand new 2007 Red Dodge Magnum" and "I am making $50,000 a month" were some of the affirmations that I recorded.  You can just imagine how I chuckled when I heard that!  So all of my affirmations were about the accumulation of money and certain things.  They were not about feeling peace about my situation which, in looking back, is what I needed the most.  The reason why that is what I needed was because when you are at peace and can bring yourself into the present moment is when all of your wisdom reveals your answers.

In coming across those affirmations that seven years ago I thought would change my life, I realized how far I have come.  Those recordings were made before all the "shit hit the fan" and seven years later I have walked through all the shit and am somewhat amazed at how I have been able to heal.  The healing did not come from money, the healing came from the change of the way I thought about money and learning to be in the present moment.