Thursday, February 20, 2014

How bankruptcy affects your marriage - feeling all alone!

This just about sums up how I felt while going through this financial hell!

So, continuing from my last post, I received the letter from the bank that our house was in foreclosure.  I had to tell my husband and I waited several days because I was scared to death to tell him.  What was I afraid of?  I was afraid that this would push him over the edge.  He was already in pain and humiliated that he could not produce enough of an income to support our family.  He already felt like he lost so much when we had to close the restaurant and subsequently lose the building.  He had blamed me for that loss and I still had not totally forgiven him on the way that he treated me then.

You see, when we got married, my husband always thought that I was a "smart" woman and that he would be able to count on me if we ever got into any difficult situations.  So he thought he would never have to worry about struggle because I was smart enough to get us out of anything.  I could not go to work and get a job because the IRS would have taken every dime of what I made because of business taxes that we still owed.  I felt powerless to help us get out from under this mess.  But the worse thing was...I could not talk to him about it because every time I tried, he said something to stop the conversation.  He just could not communicate with me because deep down inside, he just thought I would come up with a solution.  So he just kept going to work everyday and really never checked in on my pain or the pain that was going on at home!

When I sat down to tell him that our house was in foreclosure I did not beat around the bush.  I just told him straight out where we stood and how and why we got here.  He immediately got so mad that I thought his blood pressure was going to pour out of his eyes!  He yelled and yelled and then yelled some more!  He told me how this was all my fault and how could I have let this happen.  He did not physically lay a hand on me but he beat me up!  I was already in pain as well and was trying desperately to deal with that and now I have my husband just hanging me out to dry!  This was very painful!  I had no one to comfort me!  I was trying to comfort him and respecting his anger but I was pushed away.  Again, I had no one to comfort me and boy, did I need it!  He told me it was my problem to resolve and walked out of the room.

He did not speak to me or even look at me for two weeks.  Two weeks when I am trying to figure out what the hell to do and how to move forward from this and I had no one.  At this point, no one else knew what was going on.  Somehow, I had three weeks to figure out a way out of this or pack up and move this entire household to who knows where.  What a huge, gigantic load this was for me...and again, I was all alone!

Next post:  Moving!!!