Monday, February 24, 2014

What bankruptcy does to your marriage - part 4

Things were not great between us once the move happened.  All of the sudden I had to answer for everything I spent and I was not given any money to use for myself personally by him.  This was very, very hard for me and my dislike for my husband was mounting!  I felt like a prisoner in my own life.  I had to show him receipts for everything I bought.  This was all so humiliating for me.  I could not stand the way he was treating me.

About six months after we moved, I was able to get a job caring for an elderly woman part time.  It was not much money, but it was mine and I no longer had to depend on my husband for my personal needs.  This was a huge step forward for me.  It felt like my husband was trying to punish me, like a parent punishes a child when the child does something wrong.  The bad part about that is that this situation was not all my fault but I was the one being punished for it.  I am sure a marriage counselor would have a field day analyzing this one!

When you experience financial ruin and you are a married person, it is never one person's fault and until your relationship can get to a point where both take responsibility for that, nothing is going to be fixed...both in the relationship and with the finances!

A close friend of mine is also experiencing bankruptcy.  She had an issue with gambling and basically went through all their money.  Oh, her husband was very upset when she had to tell them that their only option was to file bankruptcy!  But here is the thing...the only thing the husband would ever do with her was go to the casino.  He loved going to the casino even though he knew she had a "problem" with gambling.  He kept persuading her to go even though he knew she could not stop.  She had a run of really good luck and won big several times.  When she won big, she was the hero of the family!  She lent those that needed money, money.  She treated the family to things, paid for vacations and was just held in such high esteem by her family, especially her husband.  Her gambling problem became an issues when her run on good luck ran out and she just could not win.  She wanted to win because it was the only thing she did where she received love and appreciation from her family!  Had her husband showered her with love for other things, she would not have had to fill that hole with gambling.  So the financial ruin was due to both of them!

Our relationship has gone through so much but we are still married and are still committed to our marriage.  Sometimes it felt like it would have been easier to walk away.  What we have been through made us both stronger people and I really believe it made our marriage stronger because we had to fight so hard to keep it!  We had to go over hurdles that are unimaginable but I really think most couples do.  We lost so many things but by the love and grace of GOD we did not lose each other!