Wednesday, February 5, 2014

The bankruptcy effect on our kids Part 2

During a time where our kids were experiencing much anxiety and fear, we, the parents were experiencing the same feelings of our own.  Because of this, we were not able to help them as much as we would have with any thing else in their life which would have made them feel the same way.  When I look back on this, I wish there would have been someone in our lives that would have recognized this and stepped in and helped.  We did not know at the time that we would need that kind of help and did not know what to ask for.  We were so busy trying to figure this all out that they were put secondary to all of that.

At this point, my children are very aware of what has all happened to us.  They do not yet have fully developed adult minds and I do not know how they will think about it all when that happens.  They were both very upset with the bank because in their minds the bank "took" their house.  They really felt like the bank took something that did not belong to them.  That was not the way that it was explained to them, but that is how they think about it.

When our kids found out that we filed for bankruptcy, they thought that we were going to be arrested.  I don't know where they got that idea from.  They were concerned that we didn't have any more money and that we were broke.  Little did they know that we had been broke for a very long time!  Someday, when they are a little older, I will sit down and talk to them in more detail about all of this.

There are things that I can say are very good that happened to my kids as a result of all of this as well as some bad.  Both of my boys are very hard workers and have no problem helping anyone with anything that they are able to.  They have been asked to do chores by people and have earned a couple bucks here and there for the help they give.  They have never felt like this was beneath them and they offer help whether they get paid or not.  They know that if they want something, they can not count on Mom and Dad to fork over the money.  They have to find a way on their own to purchase things that they want.  My oldest son paid for his own Junior ring.  They have learned to live more simply than most other boys their age and they appreciate all things that are given to them.  This, of course, is very good!  Hopefully these lessons will be beneficial to them as adults.

Some "bad" things that have happened as a result of living this way is overindulging in things that they feel will go away fast, like food.  When there is a full refrigerator of food, they eat it all up as quickly as possible because there have been so many times where they opened it up to find nothing.  They also, both, can not wait to leave this house and be on their own.  I know that is somewhat normal for teenagers, but this is a little different.  They have no faith in me or their father with money.  They just think we don't know what we are doing.  It's okay, we don't take it personally.

Their overall attitude about money is one of mystery and anxiety!  They can't wait for the opportunity to have money but they are scared to death they will screw it up.  I wish this wasn't so, but it is what it is!